The Decline of Marriage and the Challenge for Church Revitalization

Church revitalization is already an uphill battle. Many struggling churches lack the strong core of families needed to sustain long-term growth. Now, with marriage rates plummeting across America, the foundation that once stabilized churches is eroding. If we don’t address this issue head-on, the future of many congregations will remain precarious.

The Marriage Decline: A Silent Crisis for the Church

Over the past several decades, the institution of marriage has been devalued. Fewer people are getting married, and those who do are marrying later. Cohabitation is becoming the norm, and alternative family structures are replacing traditional ones. These cultural shifts not only impact society but also pose a direct challenge to churches engaged in revitalization.

Recent studies indicate that cohabitation before marriage is increasingly common among church attendees:

• A 2010 survey of Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod pastors reported that over 57% of the couples they married were already living together prior to the wedding, with the rate of cohabitation in their congregations increasing.

• A 2013 report from Catholic Marriage Care, which prepared 3,000 couples for marriage, noted that nearly all couples attending their marriage preparation courses were already cohabiting, and many had children.

• A 2019 Pew Research survey found that 58% of white evangelicals and 70% of black Protestants believe cohabiting is acceptable if a couple plans to marry.

  
  

Additionally, alternative family structures are becoming more common:

• According to a 2021 Pew Research Center report, about 23% of U.S. children live in single-parent households, the highest rate in the world.

• The percentage of children living with unmarried parents has more than doubled since 1968, rising from 13% to 32% in 2017, as reported by the U.S. Census Bureau.

• In 2020, approximately 3.3 million children lived with their fathers only, accounting for 4.5% of all children, a notable increase from 1% in 1968.

• In 2022, about 2.9 million children under the age of six resided with a single, never-married mother, while approximately 485,000 children under one year old lived with a single, never-married father.

• The CDC reported that over 40% of births in the U.S. were to unmarried mothers, a significant cultural shift from past decades.

  
  

The Impact of Divorce on Church Life

Divorce has ravaged families and churches alike, leaving a trail of brokenness and emotional scars. According to the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, the current divorce rate in the United States is around 40-50% for first marriages. For second marriages, the rate climbs even higher, to about 60-67%. These statistics illustrate that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, a trend that has deeply affected the structure and health of local churches.

The effects of divorce go beyond just the individuals involved. Children of divorced parents are often caught in the emotional aftermath, leading to long-term struggles with identity and belonging. According to the Pew Research Center, approximately 25% of children in the United States live in divorced or separated homes, and many struggle with feelings of abandonment or divided loyalties. This breakdown in family structure has created a significant barrier for many people who would otherwise be part of a church community.

Church Attendance and the Stigma of Divorce

For those who have experienced divorce, church attendance can be a painful reminder of the relationships they’ve lost. When churches fail to recognize the scars of divorce or inadvertently create a culture of judgment, it pushes divorced individuals and families further away. People often fear condemnation or judgment, and they may feel isolated from the body of believers, particularly in churches that emphasize family-centered values.

Revitalization efforts must acknowledge that the pain of divorce is widespread, and churches must offer a space of healing, not condemnation. Divorce should be addressed with grace and empathy, recognizing that many people affected by it are seeking hope, not judgment.

These statistics, and thoughts, suggest that traditional family structures are rapidly changing, posing challenges for churches striving to build stable congregations.

How the Marriage Decline Affects Revitalization Churches

1. Fewer Stable Families Means Less Stability in the Church

Revitalization churches often struggle with attendance, financial giving, and long-term commitment. In the past, strong marriages and families provided stability, ensuring multi-generational church involvement. Today, fewer young people are marrying and raising families in the church, leading to a revolving-door effect—people come and go, but few stay.

2. Cohabitation and Cultural Norms Challenge Biblical Teaching

As marriage declines, many see it as unnecessary. This mindset can make churches that uphold biblical marriage seem outdated or even judgmental. Without careful discipleship, younger believers may adopt cultural views rather than biblical ones, further destabilizing the church’s foundation.

3. Single Adults Feel Isolated and Overlooked

Churches have traditionally structured ministries around married couples and families. In a revitalization setting, failing to effectively minister to single adults leaves a major gap. If singles feel like outsiders, they are less likely to commit to a church.

4. Generational Discipleship Breaks Down

Strong Christian marriages provide stable homes where children grow in the faith. Without them, younger generations lack consistent discipleship. Revitalization churches must work harder to disciple young people who may not have parents leading them spiritually.

Practical Strategies for Addressing This in Revitalization Churches

1. Teach a Biblical Vision of Marriage Without Alienating Singles

• Preach and teach about marriage in a way that upholds God’s design while affirming singles.

• Address why marriage matters for individuals, families, and the church’s long-term health.

• Encourage young adults to see marriage as a calling, not just an optional lifestyle choice.

  
  

2. Develop Strong Single Adult Ministries

• Recognize that single adults are a growing demographic in the church.

• Provide discipleship, fellowship, and mentoring opportunities tailored for them.

• Create small groups where singles can connect without pressure but with a focus on growth and service.

  
  

3. Call Cohabiting Couples to Biblical Marriage in a Gracious Way

I am aware of a church that mishandled a situation regarding a cohabiting couple. Rather than engaging the couple with love and patience, the leadership took an overly rigid, public stance that left the couple feeling ostracized. The harshness of the approach not only pushed this couple further away but also left the congregation with a sour taste about how the church handled a sensitive issue. In the end, this approach did more harm than good, causing the church to lose both individuals and trust within the congregation and community.

This is a very difficult issue and many times because pastors and members are not equipped to handle these situations they either respond wrongly or do not engage the issue at all leaving people to make their own way, without biblical guidance

In the work of revitalization, you will face the difficulty of people living together outside of marriage. Instead of this negative approach, why not consider some of these suggestions?

• Instead of ignoring or condemning them, provide opportunities for them to learn God’s design with grace. I know some of the relational difficulties are complex, but God can work in the most dire circumstances.

• Offer pre-marital discipleship programs to guide couples through the biblical expectations for marriage, providing counsel for their specific circumstances, and create a welcoming environment for them to transition toward marriage. This will help them honor God and will strengthen the church.

While it’s essential to teach biblical marriage in a way that honors God’s design, it’s also critical to approach cohabiting couples with grace rather than condemnation.

4. Strengthen Family Discipleship

• Equip parents (whether married or single) to disciple their children.

• Host parenting classes and family-strengthening events to reinforce biblical values.

  
  

5. Engage the Culture Without Compromising Truth

• Many delay marriage due to financial instability or fear of divorce. Offer practical wisdom on finances, relationships, and commitment.

• Address cultural skepticism about marriage by showcasing strong, godly marriages through testimonies and teaching.

  
  

6. Foster an Intergenerational Church Community

• Pair older, godly couples with younger adults as mentors.

• Encourage married couples to invest in singles, cultivating a “church family” mindset.

• Host church-wide events that bring all generations together, fostering belonging.

  
  

The Church Must Lead the Way

If revitalization churches want to thrive in an era where marriage is declining, they must address these shifts head-on. Strengthening marriages, discipling singles, and upholding biblical truth with grace will position the church for long-term stability. The church cannot simply react to cultural decline—it must proactively shape the future.

Church Resource Guide: Strengthening Marriage & Discipleship in Revitalization Churches

Sermon Series Ideas

1. God’s Design for Marriage – A biblical overview of marriage’s purpose and significance.

2. Building Strong Families – Practical teachings on parenting and family discipleship.

3. Thriving as a Single Christian – Encouragement and guidance for single adults.

4. Overcoming Cultural Myths About Marriage – Addressing fears and misconceptions.

5. The Church as a Spiritual Family – How the church can support all life stages.

Small Group Study Resources

1. "Strengthening Your Marriage" by Wayne Mack - This book is a practical guide to building a strong, biblical marriage. This resource can serve as a strong biblical foundation for couples in small group settings.

2. "Marriage God's Way" by Scott LaPierre - This book is a practical and biblical resource that offers guidance on building strong marriages according to God's design.

3. "Building a Godly Marriage" by Jim Berg - Jim Berg provides a biblical approach to building and maintaining a godly marriage. His work is practical and focuses on the spiritual and relational aspects of marriage.

4. "The Christian Home" by Charles H. Spurgeon

   "The Christian Home" offers timeless principles for establishing a biblical home and strengthening family relationships. Spurgeon’s pastoral wisdom on marriage and family life makes this an excellent resource.

5. "The Marriage Commitment: A God-Centered Approach" by John E. Goetsch

   This book focuses specifically on marriage from a biblical perspective. It emphasizes the covenant of marriage and the commitment required to maintain a godly marriage in today’s society.

Practical Church Initiatives

1. Marriage Mentorship Program: Pair older couples with younger ones.

2. Pre-Marital & Marriage Enrichment Classes: Provide biblical guidance for couples.

3. Single Adult Fellowship: Regular gatherings focused on discipleship and community.

4. Financial Stewardship Classes: Equip young adults to manage finances and prepare for marriage.

5. Family Discipleship Workshops: Train parents to lead spiritually at home.

Outreach Ideas

1. Host a community-wide marriage conference.

2. Offer free pre-marital counseling as a ministry.

3. Launch a podcast or video series featuring testimonies of strong, godly marriages.

By implementing these strategies, revitalization churches can combat the effects of the marriage decline, build stronger disciples, and create a culture where biblical relationships flourish.